There Can Only Be One (Handful)

It was brought to my attention that there’s apparently a version of the NBA’s “There Can Only Be One” commercials with Antawn Jamison and Ben Wallace doing the Face/Off pose. Sad? Sure. 

But you haven’t seen the other ones.

SCENE: Split of Atlanta’s Mario West and Utah’s Kyrylo Fesenko.

MUSIC: Low drumbeat gradually building to inspiring strings.

BOTH: The playoff are where legends are made. The playoffs are where Jordan drops 63 in the Garden, where Hakeem wills the Rockets to the title, where Big Shot Bob got his name for the shot against Portland.

I could be that legend. But Coach would have to let me off the bench first.

SCENE: Split of Orlando’s J.J. Redick and Philadelphia’s Shavlik Randolph.

AUDIO: Calls from Duke heyday, in the dulcet tones of Dick Vitale.

BOTH: There was a time when I was The Man. I could do anything on the court. I was the go-to guy. Now, they say I’m slipping.

Actually, I fell off the damn cliff. But I’m getting paid for this. (BOTH flash checks.)

SCENE: Split of New Orleans’ Chris Andersen and Boston’s Sam Cassell.

MUSIC: Pattering drums with cello hits to the tune of U-G-L-Y, you ain’t got no alibi.

BOTH: When I was growing up, I knew I wanted the bright lights on me. That’s where everyone could see me shine. That’s how everyone could know I was there.

Then the girls saw me. (MUSIC stops.) Could we turn the lights down some?

SCENE: Split of New York’s Isiah Thomas and Stephon Marbury.

MUSIC: Ludacris’ “What’s Your Fantasy.”

BOTH: Damn, I screwed up that season real good. ‘Course, I screwed down and in that one Port-a-Potty, and that sidewinder position, too.

I’m sorry, was this supposed to be about basketball? The playoffs? Where’d I park my Rover?

SCENE: Split of Houston’s Tracy McGrady and Toronto’s Chris Bosh.

MUSIC: Soft Broadway-style instrumental.

BOTH: (singing) The sun’ll come out…tomorrow. Tomorrow, tomorrow, I’ll love ya, tomorrow!

You’re always (music scratches, stops) a couple wins away!

(Soft) Dammit. (A single tear runs down each player’s cheek.)

SCENE: Split down the middle of Tim Duncan’s face.

MUSIC: Introduction to Sinatra’s “My Way.”

Duncan: I always heard about Jordan making the fans happy, or winning with style; you know, the jumper over Ehlo or the hand-switch against L.A, or that one last perfect shot.

I don’t care. (Shows right hand, with four rings staggered across fingers.) I have these. And I’m gonna get one more this year. (Shows extended middle finger of left hand.)

(A few notes: The ads were directed by the people who did Little Miss Sunshine, this gallery points to a few more with Brendan Heywood, Chauncey Billups, and Manu Ginobili, and you can watch all the spots here if you click on Video.)

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